So...I'm pregnant. Accidentally actually, but still, it happened and this time it took. And here is what happens in movies when people get pregnant:
-tears of happiness
-go out and buy things that are small sized
-go out and buy pants from the ever expanding midsection
-eat. and then eat again.
-have your husband drive to the Dairy Queen to pick up a sweet treat
-talk to your mom on the phone daily about your symptoms, cravings, aversions
-smile a lot and showcase that unmatched pregnancy glow
Now, here's what's happening on my end of the wish
-Cry some more
-Burrow into your life so that you don't need to talk about it
-Turn off your cell phone for 2 weeks...again with the avoidance
-Try to explain to your Dr. that you can't possibly be due three weeks before your sister's wedding
-Try to get your sister to stop hating your guts
-Ask Dr. for pills
-Stash small sized items procured through gift giving into a tiny cabinet where light does not enter
-throw up. in classroom, outside of classroom, around the corner for classroom...you decide.
-Turn down Greek food. Turn down all food.
-Shame, Blame, Untamed
-Remember to brush your hair after husband tells you that three weeks is long enough
-Cry. cry. cry.
I'm learning that there is a stigma to prenatal depression. I suppose it's those bitches in the movies that are doing all of the glowing and smiling. I wanted this, after all. But now, it seems like a bit too much to handle. So, in usual fashion, I've disappeared. But I promise I'll be back soon...once I figure out why I'm so damn depressed.
Ugh. I'll never wish for anything that hard again.